Why Are You Shouting?

For Adult Child

PARENT: Could you come over and help me do basic task?

ADULT CHILD: Isn’t basic task quite simple?

P: No one does basic task as well as you do.

AC: Well if I come over to do basic task, can you just do what I say, since you say I’m the best at it?

P: Of course! I wouldn’t even know how to help with basic task, no one does. Why would we say anything about basic task? Are you trying to get out of doing basic task?

AC: No, I just feel like whenever I do basic task you constantly tell me how to do it while I’m trying to do it.

P: No, I don’t!

AC: Yes, you do.

P: This is very insulting! If you don’t want to do basic task, you should just say so instead of getting angry at me!

AC: I’m not -

P: Why are you shouting?

AC: I’m not -

P: Please stop shouting and do basic task. We are your family and are suffering while basic task goes undone!

AC: Okay! If I do basic task, will you help with something small?

P: …but I don’t really want to.

AC: I don’t really want to do basic task but am doing it because we’re supposed to help each other.

P: Well…

AC: You would do it for sibling.

P: Sibling is nice to me.

AC: You never ask sibling for anything. You do it for spouse all the time.

P: Spouse would never do it themselves, like you do.

AC: Is that a reason to -

P: Stop shouting!

AC: I’m not -!

P: Now you are!

AC: I -

P: Will you do basic task or not?

AC: Okay! Will you do something small?

P: I guess…

Later:

P: What are you doing?

AC: …basic task.

P: Why are you doing it that way?

AC: Because this is the best way to do basic task.

P: Wouldn’t it be better if you did it this way I just thought of?

AC: No.

P: How do you know?

AC: Because I am better at basic task than you.

P: That is very arrogant.

AC: You literally said I was!

P: Why are you shouting?

AC: You’re breaking your promise!

P: That’s no reason to shout!

AC: Just go relax somewhere!

P: Why are you ordering me around?

AC: Just go somewhere else so I can do basic task!

P: But what if you are doing basic task and then kill someone?

AC: How would that happen?

P: I don’t know, but am convinced it could! You should do basic task my way!

AC: Why don’t you do it yourself?

P: How would I do basic task myself? I cannot do basic task!

AC: Then why are you telling me how to do it?

P: Stop shouting! You are always shouting! And why aren’t you doing basic task?

AC: Because you think you can do it better!

P: No I don’t! No one can do basic task except for you!

AC: Then why are you telling me how to do it?

P: Because you are doing it wrong!

AC: That makes no fucking sense!

P leaps back, clutching chest in shock

P: A swear!

AC: You swear all the time!

P: No I fucking don’t! I cannot understand why you are always swearing and shouting at me!

AC: How can you not understand?

P: You are such an unpleasant person!

AC: Okay, basic task is done, I did it while you were clutching your chest, I’m going to leave now. I’ll see you later.

P: Why would I see you later?

AC: To do something small…

P: I cannot do something small for such an unpleasant person!

AC: What?

P: Why are you shouting?

AC: Fuck you!

P: You are always so unreasonably angry!

AC: Fuck you!

P: Where is this coming from?

Repeat ad infinitum